12:12pm

Mon March 31, 2014
Politics

Will Durst: Cold War 2

 Note: Will Durst is a comedian and you may find some of his material offensive, or worse, not funny. His views do not necessarily reflect those of KALW.

Hey guys,

Will Durst here taking a couple of minutes to welcome back one of the great social-political conflicts in mankind's history. I'm talking about the return of what the British called 'the great game.' The Cold War is back everybody. And with measles and polio on the comeback trail as well it's going to be just like the 50s all over again. Saber-rattling, nuclear standoffs, propaganda espionage, poison-tipped umbrellas, then exploding cigars are right around the corner. And hula-hoops...only now they come with an app.

The future will be televised in black and white - which should be comforting to baby boomers who never really got comfortable with that whole 'color' thing. This won't be your father's ideological confrontation however, get ready for a new, improved Cold War. Cold War II: The Sequel. This time it's personal. No longer a showdown between democracy and communism because the superpowers have gone the way of Howdy Doody and penny candy. This is more like that remake they did with Stallone and De Niro - two aging mediocre powers trying to rekindle a time gone by in an age where you can watch Indonesian soap operas on your phone.

Putin ostensibly sent troops into Crimea because he was worried about the rights of Russian nationals. Putin, worried about people's rights. Uh huh. Real similar to a bobcat worried about a poodle's breakfast. Ask the Chechens about Putin standing up for people's rights. Or Pussy Riot. Russians may dream of the old-mother Russia, but everybody else in the world wants to be Americans. Meanwhile, Putin and Obama are busy picking teams for the next worldwide rivalry. And considering the playground nature of this petty squabble it won't be surprising if it comes down to shirts and skins. Pretty sure Putin is gonna choose skins. 

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