12:52pm

Tue January 21, 2014
Politics

Will Durst: Governor Juggernaut

Note: Will Durst is a comedian and you may find some of his material offensive, or worse, not funny. His views do not necessarily reflect those of KALW.

Hey guys,

Will Durst here with a few choice words about the Chris Christie juggernaut hitting its first iceberg. Apologies aside, the fact is either he knew about the George Washington Bridge closure and did nothing about it, which makes him cretinous toad, or he had no idea that his staff closed down the bridge, which makes him a friggin' idiot. And nobody thinks Chris Christie is a friggin' idiot. Especially him. As we saw during his two hour press conference fielding questions from reporters. He didn't answer any of them, but that's not the point.

The whole country is grateful that when Governor Bridge & Tunnel got into trouble it wasn't for texting pictures of his junk to anybody. Wouldn’t have been able to scrape that image off our collective retinas with a belt sander. And he sure got rid of the supposedly guilty staffer pretty quick. If throwing people under a bus were an Olympic event, Chris Christie would be waving to the cameras wearing a track suit in Russia next month. XXL. Funny thing is, when you think of the porcine politico and major arteries being clogged, traffic patterns are not what springs to mind.

At least the guy's being up front and not trying to hide behind a rock. Of course, the Himalayas being outside of New Jersey could be partly responsible for that. Just worried that this is all gonna end up badly with a construction crew removing the capital rotunda so that a crane can lift Chris Christie and his ego out to safety in order to undergo an operation that will staple together his lips. It's becoming obvious that this guy doesn’t run a Banana Republic, he is a Banana Republic. But still has to be considered the odds- on favorite for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination. After all, he's too big to fail. 

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