2:00pm

Tue February 18, 2014
Politics

Will Durst: Green rush munchies

Hey guys,

Will Durst here with a shout-out to U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder for suggesting the feds might finally try to help out states that legalize pot by allowing their dispensaries to use banking services. Way to go Super AG. That's so bitchingly righteous of you.

See right now everybody dealing with pot is forced to use cash in all their financial dealings. To buy inventory, pay employees, stock up on munchies, tip the pizza dude, everything. And that kind of accumulation of dead presidents tend to attract the sort of company you normally associate with wearing orange jumpsuits, sporting ankle-shackles, watching Vin Diesel movies. But the times they are a-changin'. Even President Obama admitted marijuana is no more dangerous than alcohol. 

And think of how many steps you have to go through to make liquor or beer or wine. It's not like you can walk into your backyard and pick a Daiquiri off the cocktail tree. Pot grows right out of the ground, they don't call it weed for nothing. You pick it, dry it, and smoke it. Boom, that's it. Getting politicians to stop lumping all drugs together would be a major victory. Even a 5th grader can tell you that heroin is to pot like an Uzi is to a banana. Heroin kills. Pot giggles.

Let's say you do run into a crazed pothead, what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? You might get fleas, that's about it. There's Twinkie cream on your shirt, wipe it off. Can't get the song "Stairway to Heaven" out of your head. Deal with it. It's not just a coincidence that this year's Superbowl was played between the two teams from Washington and Colorado, the states that legalized pot. And to this day I'm still totally surprised they didn't start the game at 4:20. 

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