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Will Durst: Pink sneakers
Will Durst with a few choice words about the giant brouhaha resulting from Texas troopers confiscating tampons from female legislator gallery members during a debate on a bill that would outlaw most abortions in the state.
And now, some of the womenfolk have gone and made a big ol' fuss about what was really an itty bitty little thing. Oh my god from the outcry you'd have thought the barn burned down and the creek done dried up. Hold on little ladies, no sense making a mountain out of a molehill. Don't you see all we're tryin' to do here is look after your best interests? No need to get your petticoats in a bundle!
You know what happened, it's funny, you're gonna laugh, it was just a big ol' misunderstanding is all. We was simply afraid that some of those no-good-yankee-rabble-rousers might whip our little princess into some hysterical frenzy that would start her tossin' feminine products, and nobody wants that. Darlin', our only concern is to keep you from hurting yourself. That's why we let the boys with the guns in!
See the whole thing was done with your protection in mind. Now don't you worry your pretty little head, this situation only marginally concerns you. You just let the menfolk take care of everything so you can head back to the kitchen and bake yourself a nice plate of those award-winning chocolate chip cookies of yours. Honey, don't you pay those commie-pinko-lesbians no never good mind.
P.S. You go right on wearing those pink sneakers if it suits ya. All us good ol' boys think they sure look cute.