5:12pm

Thu September 26, 2013
Politics

Will Durst: Senator Ahab is a Sneetch

Note: Will Durst is a comedian and you may find some of his material offensive, or worse, not funny. His views do not necessarily reflect those of KALW.

Hey guys, 

Will Durst here with a few choice words on Ted Cruz's brave struggle to kill the white whale. I mean, repeal Obamacare. Speaking from the senate floor for 21 hours and 19 minutes, Senator Ahab single-handedly gave the American people another reason to look forward to a government shut-down.  In midst of his impassioned c-span salvo, the junior senator from Texas read a bedtime story to his children back home - Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. He then went out of his way to differentiate himself from the recalcitrant protagonist of the book, who wouldn't eat green eggs and ham in a house with a mouse in the dark on a boat with a goat in the rain, by saying he himself had indeed tried green eggs and ham - read Obamacare - and didn't like it. And the American people didn't like it either. 

The thing is, Obamacare hasn't really kicked in yet. Saying you tried but didn't like it is like saying you didn't enjoy Bruno Mars's half-time show at next year's Super Bowl. You think Ben Affleck's portrayal of Batman sailed far short of George Clooney's exacting standards. That next summer's 4th of July Capital Mall fireworks display was underwhelming. Wouldn't be surprised to see him next time instruct us in the intricacies of potty-training, then hold his breath until he turns blue. 

This guy is not only confused by the time-space continuum, he misreads a book aimed at a kindergarten reading level, and he wants to be president? Of course knowing the Republican party, Rafael Edward Cruz has a very good chance of securing the nomination. Because after all, as Dr. Seuss himself famously said in another advanced tome, you can't teach a Sneetch. 

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