11:01am

Mon December 16, 2013
Politics

Will Durst: Top 10 comedic news stories of 2013

Note: Will Durst is a comedian and you may find some of his material offensive, or worse, not funny. His views do not necessarily reflect those of KALW.

Hey guys,

Will Durst here with the top 10 comedic news stories of 2013. Now here's the deal: the top 10 comedic news stories are in no way to be confused with the top 10 legitimate news stories of 2013. No, no, no, they are as different as soybeans and lug nuts, Bluetooth and dental floss, palm fronds and and the cone-shaped collars that dogs wear to keep them from chewing their butts. These are the stories from the year thus far that most lend themselves to mocking and scoffing and taunting as determined by the executive council of Comics, Clowns, Jesters & Satirists Union. Which is… me.

10) Barack Obama Leadership Skills. Like saying Fukushima sushi.

9) Anthony Weiner attempts a comeback. Weiner is both his name is also the source of most of his problems.

8) Pope Francis turns out to be a liberal Democrat while Pope Benedict stays busy updating his Christian Mingle profile.

7) Edward Snowden runs first to China and then to Russia to avoid government persecution. Which is like joining the army because “you’re tired of people telling you what to do.”

6) Ted Cruz reads Green Eggs & Ham on the floor of the Senate, then misinterprets the moral of the book.

5)  Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admits using crack during “one of his drunken stupors.” Yes, plural. Only to see his approval rating shoot up 5 points. Not saying Obama should do the same thing, but...

4) Domestic spying revelations. Turns out the only way to keep the NSA from following your every move, is by becoming one of its employees

3)  Dennis Rodman, roving ambassador. What’s next- Mike Tyson, Poet Laureate? Kim Kardashian, Molecular Chemistry Consultant? Tim Tebow, NFL QB?

2)  The government shuts down. And we almost default. Again. And then you know what happens. We have to move back in with Britain.

And the #1 comedic news story of 2013: The Affordable Care Act website debacle. Most people decide it would be easier to let the NSA handle the whole thing. After all, they have all our information and probably know which plan best fits.

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