10:04am

Mon November 5, 2012
Politics

Will Durst: Who will win and why

As a public service, I'm going to tell you right here and now who wins this thing and why...

Mitt Romney will win because of Hurricane Sandy;

Barack Obama will win because of Hurricane Sandy;

Romney will win because his name isn't Hussein;

Obama will win because his name isn't Willard;

Romney will win because the economy sucks;

Obama will win because the economy doesn't suck as badly as it once did;

Romney will win because he has the money;

Obama will win because he has the soul;

Romney will win because he wasn't born in Kenya;

Obama will win because he wasn't born in Kenya;

Romney will win because Nascar dads want to be in charge again;

Obama will win because Walmart moms want to call Planned Parenthood;

Romney will win because Obama will run out of money;

Obama will win because Romney's batteries will run down;

Romney will win because we all want to be rich;

Obama will win because most of us think we're smooth;

Romney will win because dark forces will gather behind him;

Obama will win because the force will be with him always;

Romney will win because he's a Latter Day Saint; 

Obama will win because of the halo that surrounds him;

Romney will win because he isn't Obama;

Obama will, win because he isn't Romney;

Romney will win because he's not black;

Obama will win because he's not Mormon;

Romney will win because of "Obamacare";

Obama will win because of "Romneycare";

Romney will win because he'll get more popular votes;

Obama will win because he will get more electoral votes. 

So there you have it. The next President of the United States of America – one of those two guys. 

The opinions of Will Durst do not reflect the opinions of Crosscurrents or KALW.

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