As a public service, I'm going to tell you right here and now who wins this thing and why...
Mitt Romney will win because of Hurricane Sandy;
Barack Obama will win because of Hurricane Sandy;
Romney will win because his name isn't Hussein;
Obama will win because his name isn't Willard;
Romney will win because the economy sucks;
Obama will win because the economy doesn't suck as badly as it once did;
Romney will win because he has the money;
Obama will win because he has the soul;
Romney will win because he wasn't born in Kenya;
Obama will win because he wasn't born in Kenya;
Romney will win because Nascar dads want to be in charge again;
Obama will win because Walmart moms want to call Planned Parenthood;
Romney will win because Obama will run out of money;
Obama will win because Romney's batteries will run down;
Romney will win because we all want to be rich;
Obama will win because most of us think we're smooth;
Romney will win because dark forces will gather behind him;
Obama will win because the force will be with him always;
Romney will win because he's a Latter Day Saint;
Obama will win because of the halo that surrounds him;
Romney will win because he isn't Obama;
Obama will, win because he isn't Romney;
Romney will win because he's not black;
Obama will win because he's not Mormon;
Romney will win because of "Obamacare";
Obama will win because of "Romneycare";
Romney will win because he'll get more popular votes;
Obama will win because he will get more electoral votes.
So there you have it. The next President of the United States of America – one of those two guys.
The opinions of Will Durst do not reflect the opinions of Crosscurrents or KALW.