Will Durst: Ye olde predictions piece
Will Durst here with a few choice words, about this - the beginning of the new year - and the grand old tradition of we professional commentators trotting out the tried but true 'ye olde predictions' piece.
Either that or the 'ye olde resolutions' piece, but we wandered down that particular trail in 2013, and probably will again next year. So now that our twisted and tortured explanation is out of the way, here they are, the predictions of what to expect from various folks during the fifth year of the second decade of the 21st century.
In the year 2014...
Vladimir Putin will win a gold medal in Sochi in the biathlon, and he will do it shirtless.
Barack Obama will finally purge himself of the heavy burdens of high expectations.
The Republican house will outline a plan to fix Social Security that involves raising the retirement age to 83.
Hilary Clinton will change her hairdo so that it looks eerily like Elizabeth Warren's.
The TSA will expedite passenger security by perfecting the implementation of the two handed wedgie.
The justice dept will break more laws then conduct further investigations into who told the press about the breaking of those laws, instead of investigating the crimes stemming from the laws being broken.
John Boehner will encourage the nation's unemployed to move to Mexico for one of the thousands of U.S. jobs now there.
Chris Christie will talk his way out of a rabbit snare and into a bear trip.
Joe Biden will change his hairdo so it looks eerily like Chris Christie's.
All four Duck Dynasty boys will enter the next Louisiana governor's race but will knock each other out. No, seriously.
And finally, in the year 2014, the airline industry will make every effort to rid the skies of the most dangerous security threat known to man - passengers.