WILL DURST: Hey guys, Will Durst here with my 8th annual top ten comedic news stories of the year. Now please be warned this list is not to be confused with the top ten legitimate news stories of the year... no no no. They are as different as three bean chili and paisley bow ties. Like strip-mining slag heaps and little Rubber Duckies, wide haired dwarf goats and plastic dinnerware. Now these are the events from the year of our Lord 2011 that most lent themselves to mocking and scoffing and taunting, in ample amounts.
Number 10: Wisconsin Senate plays hide and seek with Governor Scott Walker. They ran across the border to Illinois and head out for a month. Yeah, like Illinois hasn't had enough problems with politicians doing nothing.
Number 9: the budget battles. You had to admire the year long republican negotiating stance… no no no no no what are you guys four?
Number 8: the Super Committee. Slower than a slug on Thorazine less powerful than a soggy Kleenex unable to compromise in a million years.
Number 7: Donald Trump. I wanna see Barack Obama's birth certificate. Yeah well we wanna see your DNA. First you gotta prove to us that you're a carbon-based life form.
Number 6: Rick Perry. The candidate for those who of you who could never cozy up to George Bush due to all of his intellectual elitism.
Number 5: Occupy Wall St. Giving the whole country a chance to experience burning man only without any of that playa dust or art.
Number 4: Herman Cain his campaign fell victim to a classic case of he said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said.
Number 3: Barack Obama. Continually compromising with the Republicans the same way that the Titanic compromised with that iceberg.
Number 2: the death of Osama Bin Laden. He collected porn, used herbal Viagra, and if you believe the videos, he hogged the remote. Hey Americans, looks like he was practicing to be one.
And the number 1 comedic news story of the year 2011: Anthony Wiener. And it was his own damn fault he had the choice of pronunciation could have gone with Wiener, still a lousy name for a politician or he could have gone whole hog; yes we spell it W-E-I-N-E-R but it's pronounced Shultz.
For Crosscurrents, I’m Will Durst.